the REAL hunter exam, nigga
by randylahey5446
Summary: ALL YOUR FAVORITE 12 YEAR OLD ANIME HEROES FUCK EACHOTHER IN THE ASS WITH GIANT LIGHTING STICKS AND SHIT. HIDE YOUR KIDS, HIDE YOUR WAIFUS, HXH GON SEXUAL IS A RAVE AMOUNG CRITICS AND A MUST WATCH FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY. HAYAO MIYAZAKI CALLS IT A "FUCKING MASTERPIECE" AND YOSHIHIRO TOGASHI CALLS IT "THE GREATEST THING THAT HAPPENED TO ANIME SINCE K-ON". I ME-oh fuck running out of sp
1. HxH 1999 was better

"Killua, why r u deporting spics and hanging niggers from trees?" Gon asked while Killua turned from the corner.

"bcuz, I just watched the ending of evangeilon and I'm triggered rn u fat Asian fuc," he hissed as he tried to hide something in his coat pocket.

"...is it wut I thinkn it is?"

"nah chill, it's all good,"

"...dud, what's in ur hand?"

"dnt worry about it, just its no bi-,"

"don't tell me...KIL-,"

"sh! Don't tell karpika or imma beat ur gay ass frank zappa lokkin ass into another dimension!"

" _HUH-HOH! MY MAIN MAN POOKIE, WHADDIE DO BROT-,"_ Krappika stops mid sentence as he notices something in killuas hands. "Yioo man, what up my ni-,"

"pookie...what the hell was that in your hand?"

"What Frank, wh-what the hell are you looking at me for man? _what are you looking at me like that for?_ "

"no...no it can't be. POOKIE SHOW ME WHAT'S IN YOUR HANDS!"

"it's alright i don't got nothing to hide man alright? don't worry about it _don't fucking worry about it man alright?_ _shit!"_

"...is that what i think it is...are those mixtapes?"

"Look, _listen frank! you're the realist nigga i know? alright? you the realist nigga i know! you don't have to sit hear an-,"_ and Killua is interrupted by a slew of cassete tapes and cds flowing from his jacket pocket.

"(sad music intensifies)...no...my man pookie... _no!_ "

"...im sorry," Killua groveled on the floor, face streaming with tears.

"Not you too... _NOT YOU TOO!_ " Karapika screamed slamming his fists against the wall. "... _I'm sorry...I-I, couldn't protect you!" sulked_ Karabikah trying to hold his composure.

"I'm sorry...I could change, i could chan-"

OHHWHATYOUSAYYYYOHHHWHATYOUREALLWANNASAYYYYYYYYYYOHHWHATYOUSAYYYYOHHHWHATYOUREALLWANNASAYYYYYYYYYYOHHWHATYOUSAYYYYOHHHWHATYOUREALLWANNASAYYYYYYYYYYOHHWHATYOUSAYYYYOHHHWHATYOUREALLWANNASAYYYYYYYYYYOHHWHATYOUSAYYYYOHHHWHATYOUREALLWANNASAYYYYYYYYYYOHHWHATYOUSAYYYYOHHHWHATYOUREALLWANNASAYYYYYYYYYYOHHWHATYOUSAYYYYOHHHWHATYOUREALLWANNASAYYYYYYYYYYOHHWHATYOUSAYYYYOHHHWHATYOUREALLWANNASAYYYYYYYYYYOHHWHATYOUSAYYYYOHHHWHATYOUREALLWANNASAYYYYYYYYYY

...in other words, karapika and gon pulled out handguns and killed off killua. PART 2!?

probably not. I mean it's written but yeah, probably not. This story was pretty fucking cancer so probably not lol (but so is most pf this site, sorry kids. Anyway, anyone here like 1999 version of this show more or is it just me, that shit is fucking superb).


	2. Am I right?

**Well, here we are. I said I probably wouldn't do it but I did it. (Shout outs to anyone who makes it this far into the filth)**

"shit dude we just killed off Killua...now what?"

"I think we just move on an-,"

"WE JUST KILLED OFF OUR BEST CHARACTER, WHAT THE FUCK ARE WE GONNA DO NOW?!"

"well i mean come on Gon, it's not so bad. we have leario!"

"...hey leario?"

"yis gon?"

"are you a mistake of a character in hunter x hunter?"

"yea why?"

"see karapika, even leario agrees that he's a piece of shit,"

"Well...I mean we still have the magna? Wasn't there the dark continent arc with your origins or some shit. (MINOR SPOILER IF YOU DIDN'T COMPLETE SPIDER ARC, SORTA) and we got chorllo vs hisoka so that's cool, right?"

"Karapika, _nobody gives a fucking shit about the magna_. You think people want to watch this shit for well balanced character development and a progressive story line,"

"Yeah, right?"

"NO! THEY WATCH IT FOR THE FLUFF, TO FANTASIZE FUCKED UP SHIT WITH THE 12 YEAR OLDS, WHY DO YOU THINK THAT SCENE WHERE KILLUA ASKS ME TO WATCH PORN IS SUCH AN UPROAR (look it up lol)?"

"Gon, anybody who watches the 1999 version is just irrelevant and live a meaningless lives who did nothing to affect anything that...oh,"

"That's what I thought Leario," said Gon.

"Karapika...why do you think everybody watches Kill La Kill?"

"...amazing animation and story?"

"NO, BECAUSE TITS, ASS, AND BIG BOOTY HOES! WHY ElSE?"

"...what does that have to do with us?" Karapika questioned, rubbing his head befuddled.

"BECUASE JUST TYPE UP GON AND KILLUA AND JUST LOOK AT HOW ADORABLE WE ARE?! YOU AND THAT CRUSTY ASS LOOKIN, ASS EATING PIECE OF SHIT LEARIO FDON'T STAND A FUCKING CHANCE NEGRO!"

"Well i eat ass so that automatically makes me the best character," said Leario. "...hmm, he has a point,"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU BLONDE ANIME COCONUT HEAD PIECE OF SHIT! PEOPLE LIKE THIS SHOW BECAUSE KILLUA IS MY BEST FRIEND SO IT'S JUST NATURALLY, I mean WAS because now, shit...like, now wat?"

"...idk, I think we just think in the moment to the point where we don't realize what are actions now affect our path later. We could cut off a friend for ever one minute, and regret it for a week and move on. Sure, months down the road you're going to feel some sort of regret especially if he was your true friend. Then you think if you haven't done the action how your life would be now? Maybe better? maybe worse? Regardless of what we do we should hold ourselves accountable for our actions and accept the pains in our lives so they wont interfere with our lives negatively. What we did was brash, we can't reverse it, but we can accept it. Of course we should morn, but in doing so we should still be moving forward and not give up the fight of life?"

"Wow Karapika, where did that come from?"

"I just re-watched One Punch Man, I don't know dude. Not even the most crippling depression hits harder than the feels in that show," Karpika claimed while pating Gon onthe back. At this point, Gon couldn't control his emotions and started to crying ferousiouly as Karapika embraced him.

"Don't worry Gon, Killua is probably protected by nen and shit so he's alright," Karapika said pushing off Gon.

"...you think so?"

"Of course! And you're such a mess, come on let's clean you up and get some McDonalds or some shit," Karapika suggested as Gon wiped away his tears. The two then left the room leaving Leario and Killua. "Fuck this, I'm going to forget about this the usual way by going home and jerking off to Sailor Moon,"

"...can I come?" Asked Killua.

"Hell yeah!" Exclaimed Leario. Then the weebs went to Learios and jerked off to Sailer Moon and everyone's lived happily ever after. The end :D

PART 3?!

no way in fucking hell


	3. I want to die please

**Here is what I called a failed abortion of a story. I tried posting it alone, but at the time I felt very unhappy how it turned up, so I took it off. But the writing was too good and I personally enjoy the fuck out of it, so I couldn't resist posting it here! (it was labled as "friendship/humor" when I posted it lol)**

"AYO BIGGIE, WHO SHOT YA?"

"NIGGA IM RIGHT HERE," the paper skinned ass emo tyler Oakley lookin ass killua said, trying to score some meth.

"Oh shit what up boi," said the gangster dapping up killua.

"Bro, that ain't biggie,"

"Why not,"

"Because that ain't a hood nigga, that's an anime nigga," said the other gangster (blasphemous hd). "Shieeet man, that ain't biggie?"

"Whoa, whoa, if I wasn't biggie smalls, can I do this (starts free styling)

 _Moonman, Moonman can't you see?_

 _spics and niggers need to hang from tree's,_

 _And I just love your racist ways_

 _I guess that's why their mom is black and you're so great"_

"You see dat Blas, dat shit dope!"

"But Jinx, dat ain't no biggie,"

"How can you tell?"

 _"..._ damn never really thought of it. I guess I just spend too much time overthinking the small nuances that life has to offer. Maybe I became so wrapped in my life as a leader, that nothing I ever said could be challenged or wronged. I mean, if I said something that was challenged especially those under my wing, that could mean that people would see the fault in what I said and team up on me. Or even worse, have differing opinions within the gang which would follow with tension and even division among ourselves. The fault in that would lead up to us not getting any money to other gangs in our cartel and you know, a couple of dead bodies if you know what I mean. Hah...yet, I always think about how my mother is sleeping at night. I know that the family separated themselves from me because I became a bad egg after middle school, but one-by-one, I had my family throw me out of their lives like 'the trash I become'. That's how dad used to say it but, hah, we don't talk about dad..."

A long silence filled the air as the tone of the quarrel suddenly changed. The silence felt like an eternity for everyone involved, as he looks down as the ground as if he's looking for something he lost or was fascinated by something he found. He then took a bit of a breath, as if, he had to take a quick breath in the middle of a fast past conversation while keeping his head down.

"But mom still writes to me though. I mean shit, I still tear up thinking about the shit we been through and no matter what it was, she always had my back. One day I bash a nigga's skull out in an alley because they didn't cough up enough drug money, the next my mom writes to me from suburbia complaining about her arthritis. I write every now and then, but don't always have the time haha," continued the man, becoming more and more distant with every word he said. Then all of a sudden, his face starts to brighten up and come back to life as he gives a friendly, conversational smile to his face and starts to laugh a bit.

" I mean _fuck_! Hahahaha, like oh my god! Like fuck me dude, I been going on rambling about my life and my momma and drama-haha, and uhhh.." then, more distant than ever, he starts to look at the ground again and starts to sniffle.

"...like, fuck me dude. What the hell have I been doing with my life?!" he said, losing composure and letting the tears fall out. When he gained his composure, there was a brief silence like there was before, but a more ominous, and truly unsettling one. Killua felt this as he tried to make a subtle escape, until he gets stopped by a stare from the estranged, and scarlet eyed man.

"...listen kid, I been thinking about quitting the gang life for some time. I think this little charade you pulled off made me realize the absurdity of what I have been doing, so here's a couple of Benjamin's because I don't give a fuck (hands money over), and I quit."

"...dude, what the actual hell you mean by 'I quit'? What about me though? I'm still in this shit. Like I known you for all my life and you're like a brotha that I never had and now you're going to leave me?!" then he pulls in his friend in close and whispers "remember when you talked me out of you know, _finally doing it..._ See, we're like brothers and all of our lives we been hustling for what?...respect and money! We didn't have that shit! I mean how many times do we have to talk about it?! I mean, come on, don't you think that we been doing pretty good?"

"Yeah but no. Yes you are like a younger brother that I longed for and my partner in crime. And hell yes we grew up in this shitty place, but why did it have to be like this? Why did we have to do these horrible things to get to where we are? Sure we have money and respect, but think about what we are doing?"

"Getting money and respect! Isn't that what we have been doing, like what have you been smoking lately?"

"Are _you_ out of _you're_ fucking mind?! Think, no, _really_ think about the fucked up shit we been doing all these years. Scamming niggas, hurting niggas, killing niggas, drugging up niggas mommas so their children can lead a fucked up life like we had?!"

"Oh please, OH FUCKING PLEASE NOW YOU GIVE A SHIT ABOUT THE PEOPLE WHO NEVER GAVE A _FUCKING SHIT ABOUT US_? _! DO HAVE A FUCKING DEATH WISH FOR US, WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE,"_

As the two men held the impassioned yelling match, Killua blankly started at the two with a few hundred dollars in his hand. _Hey, this is weird_ Killua thought to himself. _I thought the description said something about me and Gon "going off to a new and special adventure filled with wonder and joy!" Wasn't this labeled as like, 'Humor/Friendship' like, what the fuck even at this point..._

 _"_ LISTEN BOB OR ROBERT OR JINX OR WHATEVER THE FUCK YOUR NAME IS, YOU ARE EITHER STICKING WITH THIS BULLSHIT AND MAKING YOU AND EVERYONE, I MEAN EVERY SINGLE PERSON INVOLVED AROUND YOU A MISARABLE FUCK, OR YOU'RE GOING TO AT LEAST TRY TO MAKE A "REAL LIVING FOR ONCE". I KNOW THIS WAS MY IDEA AND I'M A FUCKING RETARD FOR THINKING OF IT, BUT WHAT WAS IT THAT MADE ME TALK YOU OUT OF 'IT', HUH?!...won't answer? Alright I see how it is. Then I'll just answer it for you. It's because I told everything will be alright in the end, that's it. I told you that we are going to get by no matter what because we always got eachothers backs. Bad day at my work, come to my house and we'll bitch about it through the night while getting lit. Girl not being loyal, cut that bitch out of your life and we'll go clubbing. You see, I always got your back no matter what. But if you decide not to come with me, it's goodbye."

"...shit. I just can't believe that you're leaving. After all we been through...but if it makes you happy then, well, I gotta respect that. But I just, don't really know how to say this, but I guess I think I have some the same thoughts from time to time, so I don't know."

"I'll tell you what. I'll give you a week to think about it. As a matter of fact, I'll give you until next Monday to make up your mind. But when the time comes, I'll be waiting at the 'spot' at 11 at night. I'll wait for thirty minutes, but then I'm leaving for good. I mean it this time so don't think I'm just fucking around now. Cool?" he asked, holding out his hand to dap up his friend.

"...yeah, we cool, but in case I don't come at the time and place, tell Chrissie I said 'what's good', aight?"

"No problem bro. I'm pretty beat from today so I'll just meet you at the 'spot' tomorrow aight?"

"Yea I'm beat too, peace man," Rob said as the two split, leaving Killua alone in the alley. _Fuck, now what do I do with my life..._

"Killua!"

 _Ahhh not this shitlord right now!_

"Are you ready to go on a 'super fun adventure' like one we never went one before?"

"Fuck off Gon, I'm going home,"

"What are you going to do?"

"The usual...just jerking off to Saier Moon and chill,"

"Wow! Can I come?"

"...sure, whatever," Killua said, as they started to walk home.

PART 4!?

...uhhh idk anymore. ummm, that Kevin Bone dude looks pretty chill.


	4. but let me post this chapter first

**Here's a short I tried writing back when Harambe memes were somewhat relevant (I will probably just put some of my failed shorts in here. This story is already just one big cesspool of retardation so why not add to this abomination for some lol's, lol...anyway, here's another masterpiece)**

"Ayyy lmao Gon look, it's Harambe," Killua laughed as he pointed at the gurreila.

"It's not funny Killua," Gon sulked as he bowed his head and clenched his fists.

"Come on Gon, it's no big deal, it's only a meme,"

"He was a creature with thoughts and feelings Killua! Don't you understand?"

"No I don't understand nor do I care. You're insane for taking this too seriously,"

"Oh really?! I'm the one who's insane?!"

"Gon, the other day I walked in on you in my room on my computer with your dick out to a meme that said 'dicks out for Harambe' and you were crying!"

"...I wasn't crying,"

"Alright then, why were your eyes red and your face was wet from tears?"

"Those weren't my tears."

"Than whose where they?"

"THEY WERE HARAMBES TEARS!" b

"JESUS FUCKING CHRIST GON GET REAL!"

"Gon, it's okay to offended by the joke, but you really don't have to take your dick out for Harambe. It's a joke within a joke," Karapika said calmly trying to calm down Gon.

"Yeah but...those bastards killed Harambe, I will never forgive them, I will kill everyone that killed Harambe," declared Gon as his aura started to flow.

Then Japan found nuclear warheads in the dark continent, nuked the U.S., and everybody died.

The end!


	5. chapter 5

**This is mostly because Dungeon Inspector made me realize how much I fucked up not adding** **Goreinu in the last chapter (and thanks for the encouraging words on the story that I actually give a shit about lol, means a lot!)**

"Ayyo boss man, I heard someone was making a motherfucking Harambe story on and it's been a while since I was relevant and people gave a shit about me, so I'm hear with my nen gorillas AND READY TO FUCK SHIT UP BOIII!" said Goreinu, coming in hot with his shitty hairstyle.

"...dude, it's over," I responded.

"What?...what do you mean it's over?"

"I mean what I said, it's over,"

"Well, it's been a dead meme for a while but-,"

"NO! (painfully sighs)...it's over my man. The U.S. got nuked by Japan because they got nuclear warheads from the dark continent, and everybody died. The Earth is an apocalyptic wasteland, _and you're worried about a fucking Harambe joke_...you suck dude." I scolded, while drinking my lipton ice tea and listening to the first OVA from the 1999 HxH theme on repeat.

"YOU KNOW, I DIDN'T HAVE TO HELP GON IN STUPID LITTLE DODGE BALL GAME YOU KNOW! I COULD OF JUST TOLD HIM TO SUCK A FAT ONE, AND COMPLETE THE GAME ON MY OWN! I WOULD BE DROWNING IN BITCHES RIGHT NOW IF IT WEARN'T FOR THOSE PUBUBESCENT SCUMBAGS!"

" _WHAT DID YOU SAY YOU BROKE ASS NIGGA?!"_ I screamed, while the change of mood made me put the second OVA of the 1999 HxH on repeat.

"YOU HEARED ME! BESIDES, WITHOUT ME AND MY NEN GURRILA'S, YOU WOULDN'T EVEN HAVE ENOUGH PLAYERS FOR THAT GAME IN THE FIRST PLACE. AND PLUS, I EVEN HELPED THOSE KIDS GETTING INFO ON

"Alright, 1) you know damn well that Hisoka could of used his Bungee Gum and texture surprise to make some sort of nen dummies if he really wanted to 2) No damn body needs your bitch ass to help when you got Hisoka on your team because he probably would of used his elastic lovee and superior athleticism to fuck shit up 3) pffft, suggesting "omg Kiluua, u got a boo-boo on ur arm, letz use da healing card on u" despite what he's been through as a Zoldack you patronizing weeb trash pleb...for shame,"

"so sorry that I helped Gon and Killua on their adventures by going out of comfort zone to help them complete their journey and put a a halt to a mass murder? Even if it meant putting my life on the line?"

"EXACTLY!"

"...what's with you mellow mike? you're being really narcoleptic right now. Come on dude, why are you being such a narc right now?"

"...man I don't know. I just moved to a new state, college is wack, this town is wack, shieet dude i'm sorry dude. you're nen gorilla's fucked shit up in that dodge ball game, and without you, it would of taken a lot longer for Gon to finish the game," I admitted while putting on the third OVA to the 1999 series, then realized it really wasn't that great so I put the first OVA back on.

"So, wanna do the horizontal hokey-pokey on some freshman fifteens in the quad later," he asked.

"Hell yea dude," I consented . "Yo can you pass me the ranch, I want to get fucked up tonight," before he could answer, some douchebag with a flamboyant yellow one piece suit and a dark orange coat wearing a motorcycle helmt with macaroni and cheese on it.

"What's up you guys, it's me, Kraft Punk" the douchebag said, wielding kitana's made of American cheese.

"GET OUT OF HERE," I yelled, throwing a chair at his head as he sliced it in half with his cheesetana's.

"Check out my new hidden camera show: laying waste to the Kurta Klan and gauging out their Scarlet eyeballs for our sadistic pleasure!"

"What the actual fuck?" Goreinu asked shaking his head. "I'm sorry, this guy is just a huge fucking asshole. He's just a real douchebag"

"Check it out you guys," Kraft said, while poorly photo-shopped images of Kraft Punk killing members of the Kurta Clan on horseback.

Then just out of nowhere, Kurapika crashes through the ceiling on to the set with his name appearing in white Ariel font on the bottom of the screen followed by a brief studio applause.

"You have defiled the name of the Kurta Clan for the first and last time you insignificant scumbag. Any last words before I end your life?"

Kraft Punk thought long and hard on how he was going to respond.

"Yes, you just got Kraft Punk'd!"

" _DIE!"_ Kurapika roared, triggering an epic nen battle of cheese and nen ensued as the studio audience was cheering in excitement. The sound of chains swinging and the aroma of homemade craft macaroni and cheese filled the audience with energy, as each were showcasing their talents at the highest caliber while trying to use their nen to end their opponents life.

But unfortunately for Kraft Punk, all his limbs were cut off and he looked like a quadriplegic.

 _This blood..this smell, DAMNIT WHY NOW! Why couldn't of it been like this before? Why am I so hesitant to end this man's life. I've killed before, and in very brutal ways. so why do I feel so repulsed right now_ Kurapika thought, panicking as his eye's were beaming scarlet as the audience boo's at his anticipation.

Then all of a sudden, Gon violently crashes through the window as Killua walks though the curtains stage left casually (and yes, their names did appear on the bottom of the screen with white ariel font followed with a studio applause, you ask).

"No! This isn't right, we don't want you to kill anymore! We told you that!" Gon whined as the audience boo's his statement.

"But Gon-"

"But Kurapika! Think about what you are doing to yourself and think about how this affects us! Even if you do kill him, what good does that do for yourself?" Gon argued, quieting the studio audience.

"Gon, did you just see what he did. It's unspeakable! Do you really think he has the right to live after what he just said,"

"Maybe not, but you're not the same Kurapika! You're not the same happy, optimistic friend I knew back in the Hunter Exams. You turned into a much more cruel, distant, self destructive version of yourself since we saw you in YorkNew!"

"Gon, you must understand, I was never happy,"

"Bullshit! At least when you weren't around us," Killua responded, making Kurapika stop and think what he was going to say next.

"You can't just deny something by justifying something else by just suppressing it, idiot," Killua jeered.

"..you really don't understand Killua,"

"So what if I don't, but you're only hurting yourself by taking this grudge too far. You really have to consider the feelings for those who love and care for you before you go off acting like this,"

" _DO YOU THINK THAT I JUST DO THIS FOR FUN?! THAT I AM NO BETTER THAN THE SPIDERS WHO KILLED EVERYBODY I KNOW AND LOVED WITHOUT ANY CONSEQUENCES?! WHO DO YOU THINK I AM?!"_

 _"YOU'RE OUR FIREND AND WE WANT WHAT'S BEST FOR YOU! AND WE DON'T WANT YOU TO GO OUT OF CONTROLL AND HURT YOURSELF"_ Gon yelled, shocking everyone in the room with his impassioned response.

"Kurapika, we are not against you going after the spiders. believe us. We agree on that they are terrible people and that they should be stopped. But Kurapika, we also don't want to be okay, but we want you to be _happy,"_ Gon teared up, as Kurapika stares at him speechless.

"We want to support you however we can and keep you from losing yourself. We know how much you lost that day and we know that we might not be enough to fill that void, but aren't we at least _something_ for you to consider?" Killua finished.

"I'm speechless...I never thought I would actually receive this much compassion and kindness eversince this day. The only thing on my mind since then is how I would avenge my fallen people and my ruined life, but I never really considered what it would be like to start a new one. You guys and Leario back in the Exam's reminded me of what it meant to be human again...it means a lot more than you think," Kurapika lightly started to sob, while Killua and Gon walked over to support their friend.

"Hey, I'll help take care of Kraft Punk, Gon will help take you home," said Killua as Kurapika nodded, being escorted by Gon off the set.

 _Now I wonder, who's behind that mask_ Killua pondered.

"Hey! That son of a bitch stole my outfit," Dan Curry pointed at (who we thought) was Kraft Punk.

Killua took the helmet off and found out it was Tonpa and cut his head off because fuck that guy.

The end


	6. Chapter 6

**For anyone new, this is just a collection of crack fics that I either never posted, or intend to post as a lone story.**

 **Expect updates for "Just Wondering" in a week or two, I have a couple of drafts but I want the final chapters to be as perfect as possible.**

* * *

 **Ladies and fucking gentleman, I can't sleep.**

 **It's 4am were I live, and my mind is in shambles. I tried going to bed at 8 and woke up an hour ago, but now, I'm here entertaining you bastards with this installment of whatever the fuck you call this type of story.**

"IT WAS ALL A DREAM, I USED TO READ WORD-UP MAGAZINES, SALT AND PEPPER AND HEAVY D UP IN THE LIMOZINE, HONEYS PLAY ME LIKE BUTTER PLATE TOAST, DOWN TO THE MISSISSIP-,"

"Killua, you fucked up the lyrics again,"

"Stfu Gon, you're stupid,"

"And you're really bad at remembering lyrics nigga,"

"Then how fuck does it go nigga,"

Gon then proceeded to memorize every lyric to Juicy by Biggie Smalls for the first verse.

"...and if you don't know, now you know, _ni-,"_

"Nigger!" Leorio yelled, ruining the vibe completely.

"What the fuck Leorio, you're not supposed to say that!" Gon scolded, pointing at him.

"...nigger?"

"Shut the hell up dude! You're not even black," Killua added on.

"...Killua, you're whiter than computer paper, how can you say that?"

"Hey Leorio, what do you think of A Tribe Called Quest's newest album, sick right?"

"Uh, who?"

"Exaclty!" Killua finished, as he proved his ethnicity through being a casual listener to hip-hop.

"You guys were saying the n word the whole night, so what's wrong with me saying it?"

"It's not the fact that you said it, it's the _way_ you say it," Gon said while throwing up a gang sign.

"So what's wrong with the way I said it?"

"Because you said nigg- _er_ instead of nigg- _a_ , there's a huge difference between the two," Killua said, adjusting his Obey snapback to his liking.

"So what's the difference between the two?" Leorio asked, as the two looked at each other in silence.

They didn't know how to answer his question because they never really thought about it. Gon and Killua just thought racial slurs used in music and pop culture were just really fun and edgy to say.

But before they could answer, our nigga Kurapika comes in and educates these punk ass fools on the use of the n word.

"You see, the 'n word' has been used for hundreds of years as a derogatory term for those of African decent. This word was especially used in America during slavery, post slavery, and into the civil rights era to be used against African Americans. It has been used loosely in the late 20th century in hip-hop by artists by NWA, Biggie Smalls, and countless others to not only describe their enemies, but occasionally as a term of endearment.

In the 21st century, the 'n word' is still being used in hip-hop and music, but it is also used in internet culture as well. A lot of its use in internet culture is mostly parody of either of the way it is loosely used in hip-hop and as some say 'black culture', or make fun of the way that it was intended to be used as an insult to African Americans.

So to conclude myself, the 'n-word' is still being used today. But not with the intent of denouncing people of color, but as a loose swear word with little to no meaning behind it. It's pretty to safe to say that even though it has lost its power, we should bear in mind the historical significance of it, and be wise about the way that we should say it," Kurapika concluded.

"So...we were right," Gon asked, as Kurapika nodded his head in disapproval.

"No, all three of you are complete idiots. Just because you used a different variation of a word, that really doesn't change the meaning. There is very little difference between variations other than the way they're pronounced and spelled,"

"So was I right?" Leorio asked.

"What part of all three of you are idiots don't you understand?"

"I know I'm an idiot, but I just want to know if I'm right,"

"For Christ's sake," Kurapika face palmed, turning his back on the three and making his way out of the room.

"Wait a minute! So was I right?" Leorio called out, stopping Kurapika in his tracks.

"Leorio,"

"What?"

"You're an idiot," Kurapika said, closing the door and going to bed. The three looked at each other awkwardly for a minute as each of them struggled with coming up with something to say.

Kurpakia had trouble sleeping because of the thought of the amount of stupidity that plagued the earth.

 **I'm not even going to edit this lol, I'm too tired for this shit right now lmao. (Check out "Juicy" by Biggie Smalls if you want the song, it's golden. I just imagine one of those cringy YouTube videos of any popular anime with a random ass song and a poorly cut montage, and I just image that with HxH in like some sort of overdone MLG parody to this song and I just lose my shit XD...oh Christ it's almost 5am, I'm getting the hell out of here).**

 **plz review or favrit my stry, im lonly**


	7. oh boy

**A/N: I'm baaaack mothafuckaasssss!**

 **I am hoping that there's somebody still out who still reads my work...that would be nice :P**

"Killlua, where the fuck is my super suit!"

"Shut the fuck up Dave, I'm watching spongebob,"

 _"I'm dirty dan!"_

 _"I'm dirty dan!"_

 _"Lol, you can be dirty dan,"_

 _*Patrick gets shot in the knee-cap._

 _"SPONGE-BOB, WHAT THE HELL?"_

 _"I'm sorry, I was distractied..allow me to retort,"_

 _"You're being a bitch,"_

 _*SpongeBob rips off Patrick's testicles._

 _"DO I LOOK LIKE A BITCH,"_

 _"NO!"_

 _"THEN WHY DID YOU JUST TRY TO FUCK ME LIKE A BITCH!"_

 _"NO, NO, I DIDN'T MEAN TO!"_

 _"WELL, I DON''T LIKE BEING FUCKED BY ANYONE EXCPET FOR ,"_

"KILLUA; WHERE, IS, MY, SUPER-SUIT?!"

"Lol, it's in the drawer, Dave,"

"k thanks," Dave said, off to fight Mecha-Tonpa.

But Mecha-Tonpa was too strong and killed Dave in one blow.

Dave was dead and Killua and Machi can be lovers again.

THEN HISOKA SHOWED UP...

"Ohhhhh, such unrippened fruit you are..."

"I never really thought about it, but what kind of sick bastard eats unrippened fruit?" Machi said, putting Hisoka's boner on hold. "I mean, I get that you like it for the potential of how ripe it could get, but why can't you go like, idk, focus on something else in life,"

"...what do you mean, darling?"

"I mean, it isn't healthy to just eat fruit, unrippened fruit, all the time. Your body needs carbs, protein, fat, and enough calories so that you can make it through the day. You're depleting your energy and ruining your strength with your poor diet. You know that you while become prone to bone marrow deficiency at old age, you know that right? You can be walking up the stairs in your luxury log cabin in Maine one day, and those legs are going to get _super wobbly_ going up those stairs," Machi said, getting close to Hisoka's face. "And once you fall...you're not going to have a good time, Hisoka,"

"Oh my god...what have I been doing. I have been going down a road of self-destruction and malnutrition, that I couldn't eat too healthy. I must eat protein and carbs for good heart health so I could go run in the sun. I should has eaten more good food with plenty of fiber in them. There has been a bunch of too many things I should have not hadn't done that could has paralyzed my good health. I am defeat, whom has had bad health,"

Hisoka's grammar was so bad, that it gave Mecha-Tonpa a brain aneurism.

As a result, Mecha Tonpa's brains turned to mush, and never performed fine motor skills again.

Thus the city of Yorkshin was saved from disaster, and Hisoka received the key to the city as a reward.

The end.


	8. Chapter 8

**I made this after the Rick and Morty episode came out. I stumbled upon this just now and thought that maybe one or two people would get a laugh from this. Due to personal life and schedule, I don't plan to seriously get back into writing for a long time (except for maybe a one-shot or two). I also am strongly considering getting a new account, since I look back my stories and reviews and see them as cringy lol.**

 **I know I have a few people who liked this and other work, so I won't delete this account. But if you want an update on when I get a new account or something, you're welcome to PM me (though my responses might be inconsistent considering how things been).**

The Mulan Dipping sauce, the sweet, teriyaki dipping sauce.

...it's all that ever mattered.

Hatred? Vengeance? The Kurta Clan? Family? Friends?

Fuck that, McDonalds had that sweet dipping sauce for that short period in the late 90's. Me and my dear friend, Pario, loved Disney. Yeah, all the neighborhood kids harassed us, but we just responded by throwing rocks at them and it usually worked.

Usually.

Anyway, yeah, something about that sauce. It was just...so, damn good.

And then the Phantom troupe showed up, and took it all away for themselves. They ate to their hearts content, without sharing the world a single drop of it. They've beaten, scorched, tortured, raped, and murdered those who gotten in the way...including my entire tribe.

We the Kurtas, you see, we were a proud people. We didn't enjoy many things from the "outside world", but this dipping sauce was a damn exception. There was even a McDonalds that opened up near us just for the purpose of that sweet, sweet dipping sauce that I have lavished over several times in this journey entry, and millions of times in my consciousness.

There was a man, we really didn't get a name, but it was some sort of, how should I put this?

A "Morty".

After all this time, I think this was some sort of trap so he could pillage our eyes for the massacre that haunts me to this very day.

This, man-thing, he introduced us to it, and once our Village Elders taste tested it, the rest was history.

It was a rave, a must-have, something that you had to try in order to stay ahead of the curve. If you didn't try this sauce, you were a social outcast. And for the time being, there was not a single social outcast in the Kurta tribe; not one.

Looking back, I can't ever recall a happier time period in my life. People of all generations, trades, and backgrounds came together for it, and were more united than ever. Plus, our economy benefitted greatly. The McDonald's that were there merged with our government, and it was financial utopia.

Ubiquitous tax breaks for al home owners, free college tuition, insurance, the retirement age dropped from around 60 to around 40 (instead of 401k, there was 401k _million_ for people who retired), no one had to pay a cent for anything except for that amazingly scrumptious, Szechuan dipping sauce that everyone craved for.

It wasn't just an edible treat, it was a symbol for economic prosperity, civil liberty, and a universal sign for peace and happiness for our tribe.

...and then, me and Pario stumbled upon a wonderer named Shelia. She was an exceptional human being, with some very amiable qualities. Athletic, knowledgeable, smart, funny, you know, if I was 18 and Pario was there, I would have you know - let's just say that there would be a couple of more Kurta's left in the world right now if you know what I'm saying.

Anyway, Sheila then introduced us to "D-Hunter" and educated us on the importance of a healthy diet and keeping the body as well as the mind healthy.

After reading the book, becoming in shape, and growing out facial hair, me and Pario just turned to eachother and were like "lol, let's get the fuck outta here and adventure and shit."

Of course, Pario was a dumb-shit who decided to stay home and get fucking rekt with all the other Kurtas, but I guess this brings me to where I am today. Just some guy trying to kill the phantom troupe for any other reason to have that dipping sauce, I just use the whole "revenge" crap as a cover up so that no one else can catch on to what I'm doing.


	9. Chapter 9

Danny was on top of some random fucking rooftop one day, and a weird man came up to him.

"Hey, you got the money," the hunk asked, as Dany shook his head.

"Uh, i don't know"

"The _fuck you mean you don't know? You either have it or you don't!"_

Being closed in on, he winced out of fear. A blanket of warm sweat covered his skinny body and his limbs started to shake. He did not have the money, nor did he have any plan to get himself out of this situation.

One wrong step, and it could cost him his life. There was nothing special to live for, but at this point, he craved anything but for it to end so subtly and harshly.

 _"Calm down, okay! Shit,"_

Instead of thinking of something clever or something that would give him any chance of making out alive, he just threw a tantrum and pissed his khakis...and it his favorite buzz lightier pair of khakis, too.

Bummer.

"Listen here you little shit and listen _extra_ carefully, for the love of those asinine khakis you're wearing. What kind of idiot would buy their son khakis?"

" _WHAT DID YOU CALL BUZZ lIGHTIER YOU SCUMBAG?!"_

The muscle-man shook his head. "Nah, nah, you got it all wrong; Buzz is a cool ass nigga. Shit, when I was about you're age, uh, i mean _younger_ than your age, I used to rock Buzz Lightier merch all the time. But, this, I ain't no artist, music is my specialty, but i would suggest a different background for Buzz other than piss-yellow like that. Shouldn't the background match the foreground to compliment it, or contrast it in such a way that it compliments the foreground by standing out? I'm sorry, but this doesn't do either. It looks...dumb. I feel like it reminds me of music; how each intrumental part compliments each other to create an open diologue of sound that takes the listener into another world,"

"...what?"

Danny never thought he would meet someone more autistic than him.

"Not like pop music, most hip-hop, most 'rock', jesus christ," he facepalmed lightly and his face popped out of his face as if he were a jump scare in a shitty horror film, " _alternative rock?..._ the American-love for jargon, am I fucking right? Just because you add an adjective before the name of the genre, doesn't make it "progressive", inspiring, or fucking _alternative._ I mean, keep fingering your butthole and tell me how bands like Nirvanna, Alice in Chains, or Green Day has some sort of 'alternative' or 'progressive' value, it doesn't mean jack shit. If you want something 'progressive' or whatever the fuck, listen to something that goes beyond a cookie cutter format or repeats the same ideas in 3 minute intervals while the lyrisist bitches about his pathetic life like a little bitch, give me a break! Listen to some jazz, not the type the DMV puts you on hold while you choke yourslef to death with a wooden spoon, but _real_ jazz; Coltrane, Thelonious, Pass to some degree, Bitches brew by Miles Davis, or classical music, whatever. If you want the best of the best, you go to Zappa, he is the fucking _king_ of music. I mean, you haven't lived a fucking day if you-,"

He was interupted by the sound of (aged-up) Killua masterbating to a picture of Gon. The man looked at Killua, Killua looked back at the man.

"Oh...um, sorry, had headphones in, didn't know you guys were here," he said, pulling up his pants with one hand and putting his headphones away with the other.

"Nah man, it's cool, I'm glad someones normal around here, too many wackos running around and being stupid to other people like them and such and such, you know?"

I have really bad writers block, someone just end my life before i spend another nanosecond in this never-ending purgatory of despair.

"...um, okay,"

"What music are you listening to?"

"Oh, this is, uhh," he took a second to look at his phone. "Noname, actually it's 'Casket Pretty', the song I mean,"

"Nice!"

"You listen to Noname?"

"Hell yeah, dude!" Before the coversation can continue to be normal, "it actually makes a lot of sense to listen to someone like her when you are masterbating, it's very relaxing. If it was something intense like, I dunno, classic Sabbath or Coheed and Cambria, it would trigger the sympathetic nervous system, for when your body is stressed. According to the SAM system, your hypothalmus secrertes signals to the adrenal medulla, which releases epinephrine and non epinephrine to slow digestion, increase heart rate, and most relevent, decrease blood flow to the genitals. Of course the sympathetic nervous system takes over during sexual climax, but the sympathetic nervous system is not the key to arousal; the parasympathetic nervous system is. Once that takes over, your body can relax and you can have decent bloodflow to your genitallia. In short, having a calming stimoulus in the background, like Noname, can help release endorphins (which are responsible for mood, pain suppression, and some sexual functioning) that can relax your body and help your genitals be _pulsing_ with blood and excitement,"

"Uh," Killua had his mouth open, as he looked over at Dehny furiously masterbating and using his piss as lube, "thanks?"

"Don't thank me, thank science and the leaders of the Civil Rights movement. If it weren't for heroic figures such as Martin Luther King jr., Malcom X, James Baldwin, or Archie Bunker, I, a person of color, and you, an elbino, wouldn't be even aloud in the same room together,"

You wouldn't be able to tell, but the man is 1/32nd Cherokee and 1/8th African American.

"I gotta go, but before I do, remember; drugs are bad, and homosexuality is okay! Adios, Amigo!" he screamed, before he riddled Danny with Harmone bullets and flew off on his magical spatula.

As Killua made his way out and to the downstairs bathroom to finish himself off, he overhead Tommy Wiseau austistically screeching " _LISA, LISA, YOU ARE TEARING ME APART. Oh, hi doggy!"_

It was hilarious to be surrounded by retards 24/7, but he missed his old friend. It was nice to be around someone who made him actually happy for once. Now, he has to take pleasure out of the discomfort of his situation to find any at all.

Meanwhile, Wiseau was fist fighting Jerry Seinfeld over the last cup of soup, as Heavy from Team Fortress 2 was loading his machine gun and whispering "...no soup for you, motherfucker."


	10. why do i still do this

Gon was eating a sandwhich.

"Heyyyyyyyy, _bitch!_ " Killua screamed from the top of his lungs while slapping Gon on the ass.

"Hey, dude,"

" _Howwwwwwwwww's everything, my little cum slut,"_

"...wait a minute, Killua would never say that,"

Gon became hesitent as he realized that Killua may be a fucking fag, but not THAT much of a fag.

"THIS IS THE WORK OF AN ENEMY STADNO"

"ORAORAORAORAORAORAOROAROAROA"

" _WRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!"_

 _"ORAORAORAORAORAORORAORORAORAORAOROARA!11"_

 _"WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWRREWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!"_

 _" LISA YOU ARE TEARING ME APART! I AM FED UP WIT THIS WORLD! I DID NOT HIT HER IT IS NOT TRUE I DIDNT HIT HER I DID NAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!_ _! ! ! EX DEEEEEEEEEEE O HAI MARK!"_

Everyone died.


	11. AHHHHHHHHHHH

Gon and Killua were in, uhh, a bedreoom.

Just hanging out, I guess. But, everything goes to shit when Gon starts playing Tom Petty.

"Gon," Killua turned his head, "what the _fuck_ are you listening to?"

"Well, _we_ ," he started, asserting his dominance in terrible taste of music by blasting the grotesque sound, "are listening to Tom Petty, and you are a little bitch,"

Killua got triggered. Veins started popping on his forehead as his pupils grew to be a size of a nickle. Years upon years of closeted rage and disgust seemed to be on the very tip of his tongue as he took in a deep breath.

"Gon," Killua sighed, "why do you think this is good music?"

Gon scratched his head. "Well, I dunno, I just really like it. The whole 80's sound and vibe and stuff, and I just think the lyrics, though are cheesy, kinda give me a little boost in a weird way."

"The '80's _vibe_ '? You just like it for the _vibe_? You just listen to something and just _vibe_ to it without giving any thought to its composition, the history, or of how much hypnosis was put into the production value of a pop track to create the illusion of 'good music'?"

"...not again,"

"You fucking think that 'Won't Back Down' or 'American Cunt Bitch Girl' holds _a minuscule_ amount of charisma, power, or human integrity as a great Romantic Era Masterpiece or an early 20th century avant gaurd shit show? And that in understanding these requires years of education, training, and discipline that results in a long-term gratification that not only predates but is undoubtedly more substantial than your 3 minute little circle jerk about being a sexually lost school girls? You seem like the 'little bitch' to me,"

"Killua," Gon started, rubbing his temples and shaking his head. "I just want to listen to some music, please."

"Fine," Killua rolled his eyes. "Put on some Cardi B," Killua then muffled the words _you fag_ very lightly, but not enough because he felt really insecure for some reason I think he's gay or whatever I dunno.

Gon poked his head at him, "Did you call me something?" He questioned, giving a defensive stare.

"No, it's just uhh...you're cute when you're angry."

"..."

Killua used his homosexuality as a distraction to put on some Death Grips. It was a track off of the money store, and anyone as unrefined and gullible as our dumbass protagonist, can mistake a song like "I seen footage" or "Get Got" as a top 40 hit.

I personally think that the Powers that B (both sides) is the superior Death Grips album, but I digress.

"Killua, I like the instrumentals, but that guy singing...is definitely not Cardi B,"

"So?"

"So, uhhh, what I'm trying to say is," Gon started, scratching his head. "I don't think this is my type of music,"

"You prefer something more lighter on the ears or something you can hum along to?"

"Yeah, pretty much,"

"Well, glit-glam can go lick my fucking balls, you feel me?"

Then j-peg mafia crashed through the fucking ceiling after his long travels across multiple, intergalactic pursuits to find inspiration for his new album (which turned out to be veteren, highly recommend it) as he got triggered.

"Yo, what the _fuck_ did you call me on 4chan you little fucking bitch?!" he screamed at Killua, as he got out of his seat.

"Look, dude, I called you a "pussy" for acting like a little bitch about gun control. I simply suggested that idea with banning guns because you look at Australia an-,"

" _No, the 'other thing',"_ he started, whipping out a gun and pointing it at Killua.

"Come on, dude...fine. I'm sorry about saying the n word and-"

J-peg mafia started rubbing his temples that said "...why the fuck did I even bother" and walked out the door. He wasn't dealing with this shit again.


End file.
